and she was petting her beer can
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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