i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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