I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize