Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize