and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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