I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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