I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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