Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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