you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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