What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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