Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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