Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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