Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize