Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They took my balls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize