I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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