I want to make a zoo with you.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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