At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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