did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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