WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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