So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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