We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
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answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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