with your own penis?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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