it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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