he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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