so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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