so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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