Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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