i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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