I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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