I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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