Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
