i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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