Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize