Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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