i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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