Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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