hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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