you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize