Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize