She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize