I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize