But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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