My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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