a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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