if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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