i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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