i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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