she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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