so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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