my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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