My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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