The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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